I stopped sending Christmas cards years ago. Not because I’m a scrooge, but because I was overwhelmed by all of the “stuff” at Christmas time and wanted to simplify. So I did. I made a big girl decision, and I liked it. I still enjoy receiving cards, and I even enjoy the letters that accompany them that summarize the year’s events and milestones on lovely Christmas stationary. In a busy world, it is an ideal way to keep in touch with people. So today I will attempt to mimic the year in review greeting. It won’t be sugar coated or remotely traditional, because well, I’m not. Never have been and doubt I ever will be. And for once in my life, I am ok with that. I know God is too. He made me this way…..
I am profoundly sad. It is one week before Christmas and I cried for an hour while I wrapped gifts. Death and despair were a big part of 2016. I realize that this year has really been the year where I lost faith in people. I have been disappointed and disillusioned. I’ve been duped and dumbfounded by people and institutions. I lost someone I loved to drugs and lost hope in something I trusted as secure. I was upset when people didn’t react the way I did, or didn’t follow the same rules I had to follow. Conflict commenced, anger arose and fears came to fruition. Hope was dimmed, pain was deep and lives were changed forever. But, I survived, by the grace of God. Once I allowed myself to get angry, I began the healing process. I am still a little mad. I am still blue. But I am slowly moving past it all. Throughout these processes, I have learned a thing or two…This is what I’ve come up with…
People suck. Plain and simple. But I’m a people, so I guess I suck too. And by suck, I mean, we are all sinners. We are all big fat messes. We don’t love well, we are impatient with each other and we are completely self-centered.; myself included. I have lost faith in people, and you know what? It’s about time!! My sadness and disappointment come from me putting people on pedestals that they should have never been on, having unrealistic expectations of them and assuming they are something they are not. Shame on me. My faith should have never been in them in the first place!
So, next year, I will still love you, but I don’t care what you think about me. I don’t care if you agree with me. I don’t even care if you accept me. I no longer need the validation I so tirelessly sought and thought I (almost) achieved. I no longer have expectations of anyone or anything. I’m good. God is all I need. He will provide the people and places I need in my life that will bring him the glory and that will best develop my God given gifts. So losing my faith in people turns out to be a good thing. I will be moving that faith to trust in God, where it should have been all along. So, I feel hopeful again.
Lest you think my entire year was gloom and doom, there were some, well lots, of really awesome moments, too! I am so proud of my adult kids as well as my littles, who are actually “middles” now. There has been hope in recovery and much success for my son and the joy of new life and a new career trajectory for my daughter! I will become a grandmother in the spring! Yay! My 7th graders are loving school and their activities, and my 3rd grader is finally able to play basketball! He is beyond excited. I am blessed beyond words to be part of a loving family. My mom and siblings are all nearby. I love my big crazy family! And my tried and true friends, well, they are still tried and true. I do have a solid support system that God has put in place. He has my back.
I owe some of you an apology. I am truly sorry that I hurt you by my unrealistic expectations of you and my subsequent reactions. I was wrong. I am learning to walk away, consider your situations and pray for you, instead of reacting negatively. I wish I had a few do overs, but I am covered by grace, thanks to my wonderful Savior. My prayer for this year is to extend as much grace to others as I receive from my Father. (And that is A LOT!)
I pray to remember daily that I am enough. And to remind you that you are enough, every chance I get. We will walk this broken road together as imperfect people with the knowledge that God is the only one who can make us perfect, through faith in Jesus Christ. I will have a merry Christmas knowing that. And I long for heaven where every tear will be wiped away and every day will be as amazing as Christmas morning is to my kids.
May you gain the peace of Jesus Christ in your hearts this Christmas and put your faith in Him, not in people. It’s the only sure thing in a messed up world.
I promise a lighter message will be forthcoming. I needed to purge! Much love and blessings. :)
I am profoundly sad. It is one week before Christmas and I cried for an hour while I wrapped gifts. Death and despair were a big part of 2016. I realize that this year has really been the year where I lost faith in people. I have been disappointed and disillusioned. I’ve been duped and dumbfounded by people and institutions. I lost someone I loved to drugs and lost hope in something I trusted as secure. I was upset when people didn’t react the way I did, or didn’t follow the same rules I had to follow. Conflict commenced, anger arose and fears came to fruition. Hope was dimmed, pain was deep and lives were changed forever. But, I survived, by the grace of God. Once I allowed myself to get angry, I began the healing process. I am still a little mad. I am still blue. But I am slowly moving past it all. Throughout these processes, I have learned a thing or two…This is what I’ve come up with…
People suck. Plain and simple. But I’m a people, so I guess I suck too. And by suck, I mean, we are all sinners. We are all big fat messes. We don’t love well, we are impatient with each other and we are completely self-centered.; myself included. I have lost faith in people, and you know what? It’s about time!! My sadness and disappointment come from me putting people on pedestals that they should have never been on, having unrealistic expectations of them and assuming they are something they are not. Shame on me. My faith should have never been in them in the first place!
So, next year, I will still love you, but I don’t care what you think about me. I don’t care if you agree with me. I don’t even care if you accept me. I no longer need the validation I so tirelessly sought and thought I (almost) achieved. I no longer have expectations of anyone or anything. I’m good. God is all I need. He will provide the people and places I need in my life that will bring him the glory and that will best develop my God given gifts. So losing my faith in people turns out to be a good thing. I will be moving that faith to trust in God, where it should have been all along. So, I feel hopeful again.
Lest you think my entire year was gloom and doom, there were some, well lots, of really awesome moments, too! I am so proud of my adult kids as well as my littles, who are actually “middles” now. There has been hope in recovery and much success for my son and the joy of new life and a new career trajectory for my daughter! I will become a grandmother in the spring! Yay! My 7th graders are loving school and their activities, and my 3rd grader is finally able to play basketball! He is beyond excited. I am blessed beyond words to be part of a loving family. My mom and siblings are all nearby. I love my big crazy family! And my tried and true friends, well, they are still tried and true. I do have a solid support system that God has put in place. He has my back.
I owe some of you an apology. I am truly sorry that I hurt you by my unrealistic expectations of you and my subsequent reactions. I was wrong. I am learning to walk away, consider your situations and pray for you, instead of reacting negatively. I wish I had a few do overs, but I am covered by grace, thanks to my wonderful Savior. My prayer for this year is to extend as much grace to others as I receive from my Father. (And that is A LOT!)
I pray to remember daily that I am enough. And to remind you that you are enough, every chance I get. We will walk this broken road together as imperfect people with the knowledge that God is the only one who can make us perfect, through faith in Jesus Christ. I will have a merry Christmas knowing that. And I long for heaven where every tear will be wiped away and every day will be as amazing as Christmas morning is to my kids.
May you gain the peace of Jesus Christ in your hearts this Christmas and put your faith in Him, not in people. It’s the only sure thing in a messed up world.
I promise a lighter message will be forthcoming. I needed to purge! Much love and blessings. :)
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