If I believe in the sovereignty of God, in His all knowing and constant Holy presence, why can't I give it to Him? What is standing between me and God that is impeding my vision? My inability to trust Him is a direct result of this obstacle. For me , it is control.
I struggle with this mostly regarding my kids. I know that God's will is not always lined up with mine. I cannot know His ways. I wonder, though why did He create me to be so emotional, when emotions lie and cause me to act on my own. Why did he give me children to love and nurture, who need their every need met, and then after 16 years, just expect me to stop? We keep our kids from touching the stove, from walking into traffic. In cold weather, we make sure they are adequately covered. In the heat, we slather them with sunscreen. We use safety car seats and seat belts. Don't talk to strangers, don't take such big bites, wear your helmet. And then, we're done. All of the years of supervision and protection slowly fade away. We watch them walk away. For me it's like watching a valuable diamond disappear into the sea;the sick helpless feeling that I will never see it again.
I know that God gave me my children. Gratitude for these mothering years fills my heart. My life would feel empty without them. But ultimately God must be my central focus. All other parts of my life must fall into their proper order of importance after Him. When I change my perspective to reflect this adjustment in priorities, things begin to get clearer. The pain lessens, the worry eases and I begin to feel peace.
Philippians 4:6-7 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
This is not automatic for me. I need to be deliberate daily to meditate on His word and believe His promises.
Heavenly Father, My prayer today is that I fully rely on you, that I find a balance between my emotions and total submission, between my heart and your will. I know you have this, and I am ready to surrender. In Jesus name I pray.
The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.Psalm 18:2