I have experienced a few times like this over the years, but none quite so blatant and as in my face as I had recently. I deliberately pulled away from the static of busyness and got quiet before God. I have intentionally cleared my mind of the preconceived notions and expectations I have put on myself or have taken on from others. I was spiraling emotionally and spiritually. I cannot put a finger on the one event that caused me to crash, but several things occurred one after the other that left me with a sense of inadequacy and failure. The crazy thoughts and anxiety causing negativity that come from a sense of failure can topple even the strongest of us. Failure breeds insecurity. That insecurity grows like one of those spongy dinosaurs does in water. The more I took on, the more I lost myself in the process and morphed into someone unrecognizable. What I thought was sanctification and growth was actually self-condemnation, a relapse into wrong thinking, a comparison trap and unproductive activity. It is time to break the cycle. God is revealing to me how unhealthy spiritually and emotionally I’ve been drifting.
Someone I love very much (sidebar-if you do not have a God friend, get one or several! My circle of believing women has saved me on many occasions!) reminded me that my home is my first ministry, and in this season of my life, it is enough. Something so commonsensical and simple has evaded my thinking in recent years. That statement grounded me. It prompted me to evaluate my motives. Are they God honoring? Am I making disciples of those closest to me, or am I running headlong away from my mission as a mother and wife. I am. I was. But no more.
I am moving forward with a different attitude. Authenticity and simplicity are making a comeback. From morning meditation and prayer to the household stuff, my mantra is “less is more”. I’m directing my focus to simplifying; cleaning out the clutter in my mind and my life. The common model of priorities-God, family, church got lost somewhere along the same road where I lost myself. I’m on a mission to recover both and live life victoriously. I honestly do not know what to expect, but I have begun with a re surrendering and a reintroduction of “NO” into my vocabulary. Meditation and stillness are replacing overthinking and busyness. Resting in the now is consuming regret over the past and worry for the future. The Proverbs 31 woman is my model for this, as verse 25 says, she laughs at the future. I have today. I am praying for God to give me opportunities to use the gifts he’s blessed me with to bring joy and comfort to others and glory to Him. That is enough.
Thanks for coming along for the ride as I preach to myself, and hopefully help some of my readers to gain a more Godly perspective. God bless you all....
Part 2 of “Less is More” coming soon….
Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character
10b A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29“Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.